“Good lord,” said Pat, a New York friend, eyeing the eager faces, the stilettos, the sheer force field of energy. “Is anybody here over the age of 18?”
“I got a very good price on it,” I said.
We walked to a nearby bar in another hotel. There, the median age doubled, the lights didn’t throb, and screaming to be heard was optional, not mandatory. All of a sudden, I didn’t feel like my own mother.
Well, maybe you get a little self-conscious and defensive about aging when you’re in a hotel lobby crowd younger than your own children (who are grown, but still). Or maybe I was just in a chronological-spiral frame of mind after seeing the new play “Marrying George Clooney: Confessions From a Midlife Crisis,” at Cap 21 Theater Company in Chelsea.
Based on the memoir of the same title by Amy Ferris, the play features three menopausal women with insomnia. They’re scouring the Internet for news of old boyfriends, researching dire diseases they’re sure they’re dying of, sweating out their latest hormonal surges, cleaning their closets. You know, what you usually do at 3 a.m. when you’re middle-aged, haggard and homebound in your torn bathrobe — and not young, fresh-faced, dressed to dazzle and in search of a New York party. The play’s three unnamed women speak of their demons and fears. They swap stories of recent weight gains and parents’ deaths, the disappearance of a waistline and the lingering of a mother who’s losing her mind to dementia. They drink wine, they loudly regret quitting cigarettes, and they dance and they sing.
All the above happened to her during her plunge into menopause, Ms. Ferris, a first-time playwright (who adapted the memoir with her husband, Ken Ferris, and Krista Lyons), said when we met at the nearby Tipsy Parson restaurant. (She is, I should add, happily married and does not personally know George Clooney, at least not yet.)
Ms. Ferris’s memoir, which is freewheeling, poignant, funny and cranky, ends in an epilogue recounting her last hours with her dying mother. As she tries to comfort her mother, her own mind is overwhelmed with images and memories from both their lives. In many ways, these final scenes in the book are more powerful than the staged versions. Or maybe, when you’re a reader, your mind is freed to imagine, and the dying mother — with her lifetime of rage and unhappiness — becomes your own.
“When I do book readings,” Ms. Ferris said, “it almost always ends up like a therapy group, with all the women in the audience talking about their mothers.”
Well, of course they do. Sure, middle-aged women talk about aging and wrinkles and menopause and how we’re not young any longer. But sometimes I think that’s only a passing phase, as we plummet into a new time in our lives and learn to adjust.
But our mothers! Do we ever outgrow talking about our mothers — apologizing to them, confronting them, reproaching them, grieving for their lives — no matter how long they have been dead?
Ms. Ferris’s mother wanted to be an artist. Instead she had children she loved but deeply resented. Ms. Ferris, with her own career as a screenwriter, author and now playwright, often feels she is leading the life her mother wanted for herself.
I was still thinking about mothers and their middle-aged daughters when I met my friend Nancy at the Museum of Modern Art exhibition of Cindy Sherman’s photographs. We wandered through the rooms marveling at the artist’s diversity, her intensity, the detail in her work, both subtle and lavish.
“Do you think,” I asked Nancy, “when Cindy was just beginning in the ’70s and ’80s, that her mother started saying, ‘Enough with photographing yourself, Cindy! What’s wrong with a nice landscape now and then?’ ”
Before I left town, I went shopping at Vince in Chelsea. Like the women at the Downtown Dream, every other woman I’d seen in New York, it seemed, had been wedged into skinny jeans and boots. The boots I could skip, but the jeans were a definite possibility.
I squeezed myself into a pair and went to peer into a store mirror. Both the young man and the young woman who worked there told me the jeans looked great. I said that, unfortunately, I couldn’t breathe or sit down. In fact, I felt I lacked the commitment to wear skinny jeans and, presumably, expire while looking great.
The experience made me sympathetic to all the young women I saw wearing skinny jeans after that. It isn’t only middle-aged women who suffer in this life, I told myself.
Maybe you had to get to middle age to realize your mother was right: you should never buy clothes you aren’t comfortable in.
Ruth Pennebaker’s latest novel is “Women on the Verge of a Nervous Breakthrough.” She blogs at geezersisters.com.